heal.

the bottom line
being practical may not feel sexy, but it's definitely the intelligent way to go.
in detail
right now it's your emotional nature that is going to be your driving force in life, but that needs to start changing. you need to think more with your brain and less with your heart. it isn't steering you wrong, but it could be sending you in circles. think things through and get some alone time if you feel that you need it. being practical might not feel very sexy, but it's definitely the intelligent way to go! temptations soon disappear when you look at them with a critical eye.

at first, i did not get what my horoscope was trying to tell me. not that i believe entirely. take it more as a word of caution rather than a fortune-telling thing.

i should start thinking with my brains. to use my heart, it will just suck me into the vertigo, sending me in circles when the answer is in front of me. but, i still have not seen an obvious answer to my questions. i guess, i shall let the questions be unanswered and be oblivious to my surroundings. if there is going to be a twist of fate, then thank God.

dear God,
i'm thankful for the guardian angels you had send. please, it hurts to fall and harder to try to get up again without feeling the bruises later. do give the strength to these angels to heal their broken heart.

solace.

ever since i receive the call from him, i had been lost in twilight zone. lost in my own thoughts. where those thoughts were leading me too, i ain't no idea. i wasn't myself anymore. i had been an easy-going person, with a strong belief, 'anything that doesn't kill you, will just make you stronger'.

this is a wake-up call for me. maybe a sign from Him. he pushed me to the edge, reminding me that He is there when i search for Him. maybe this is a calling for me to seek solace in Him.

...or is it his PUNISHMENT for the illicit affair?

regrets.

dear GOD,
deep down, i know i haven't been a good person. i'm not blaming anyone for my bad attitude. i've lost great friends. i get confuse. the truth hurts, as cliche as it may sound, it is true. not wanting to hurt anyone's feeling i kept the truth. when it hurts, i am in the wrong. blamed for keeping the truth. i am seen as a bitch. someone hateful. i dissed these people, not bothering how they feel, so long as i get my way. i do not go down without a fight.
once friends, now turn to enemies because of my own egocentric attitude.

i hate to keep harping about how you made me and the ex-boyfriend meet. you gave us sweet memories and a bitter ending. me being me, again, egocentric, just had to put him down. so the excuse to my 'farewell' entry. tit-for-tat is a never ending vengeful process. why do i feel victorious after what i did? should i not feel ashamed of my own attitude?

dear God, please forgive me for my bad attitude. i don't want to lose more great friends. please show me the right way out of my misery.

to the people whom i've hurt, my sincerest apologies. please do forgive me. how can i make things better? please tell me.

painful.

i ain't no idea what made me want to read my old blog. i chance upon this, it is a lil something i composed for farid after our break-up. painful memories which i do not want to re-live.


Love is Pain
You promised you'll never hurt me
Never make me cry
Crossed your heart and hoped to die
You told me that you love me
You made a promise you can't keep

To know someone I gave my heart to
Just tore my heart apart

Why did this love had to start?
Why does love had to be so much pain?

When I was dreaming with a broken heart
Waking up was the hardest

That lonesome feelings took me by surprise
I guess you meant more to me than I realised
My thoughts of you do not have an ending
Memories of you are everywhere
I wish I could be everything you wanted all the time
Tried to be perfect 'cause I know you are worth it

I gave my heart and soul but it was not enough for you
And now I know who you are
It was not that hard to figure you out

It is just one of those things I have to get over

Yours Truly.

unanswered.

should i give up or should i keep chasing pavements? even if it leads nowhere, or would it be a waste? even if i knew my place should i leave it there?

again, these questions will be left unanswered.

is it just a phase? or am i just being the attention seeker and not getting any from him? or he just think all this is wrong and won't work out so, there is no need to pursue further?

suddenly, i'm tongue-tied. i can't seem to be asking questions to anyone, anymore.

i guess it is still in sketches. i shall wait a while longer for the sketches to turn into a picture.

disappointment.

"the person you LOVE will always DISAPPOINT you."

when i was a younger lover, having trusting issues, he, the ex-boyfriend pulled me out of the whirlpool that was drowning me. he made me believe that there were still ENDANGERED male species with raging testosterones, that i can trust. and that would be him. but, at the back of my head, i knew, one day he too will leave me for someone better just like how the ol' man left my mum for THE money- grubber hussy.

now, being me, the sweet, loving klutz, is scared that one day, i might never love again. ever. i'm still locked up in my own padded cell, afraid of the outside world. take me away from my comfort zone but, do me a favour, do not let me fall in love.

cause i still strongly believe, love is a DISAPPOINTMENT.




*disclaimer: this is a random post. not meant for anyone in particular.

surprise!

yesterday, mr lazy gave me a HUGE surprise. thanks a lot, dear. now, that is what i call HUGE. he waited me outside my workplace.
when i was releasing the children, i had this urge to look on my left. there i saw him standing, waiting.
SWEET-NESS. but, i had to hide the huge smile. and i'm still smiling, now.

ya, parents were fetching their children and you wanted to fetch the teacher.
you're very very sweet!