woo.

today my love-scope says:

eventhough you are no stranger to heartbreak, now is the perfect time to be open to new beginnings. give this person the benefit of doubt. not everyone who woos you has a hidden agenda. trust again.

the love-scope gotta be kidding, right? trust again? whoever the guy that has intention of wooing me, quit playing games with my heart. you are never serious. you are making me confuse.

dear God, where is that guy? why hasn't he reach his destination? i'm getting impatient. all the guys you sent were playing games. i'm tired of their silly games. please stop sending them. i don't want to play games anymore. if there isn't any good man around, you might as well not send anyone, anymore.

prayer.

dear god,

firstly, thanks for the unfortunate break-up with farid. well, they say when you lose someone, you will find someone better. so far, i've not seen any progress yet. it all takes time.
everything happens for a reason, i'm still looking out for the real reason.

at first, you let me experienced with indecent guys. these are guys who are only for flings and one-night stand. had enough fun with these guys.

so, i asked about the decent ones, remember?

well, thanks for fulfilling the request. but, i asked for decent guys(.) not decent guys who declare their feelings freely.

i'm getting confuse here, dear god.

where is the guy who holds the right key? is he on his way or did he lost his way? please show him the right path to my heart. and also please tell me if he is a sincere guy. it is so hard to sieve the sincere and insincere.

well, dear god, i'm inexperienced when comes to judging of character. after all those guys that i've met, i'm still unable to read their character. you made everyone of us differently, with different character, looks and status.

p.s the next guy that has the right key also must have all the qualities i'm looking for.

thanks!

twenty-two.

why am i dreaming a perfect birthday for myself? well, just a dream, anyways. no harm dreaming, right. it's only a birthday but what i had in mind is like a marriage proposal.

"it is a full-moon night, under the stars, by the beach. looking out at the dark endless sea, leaning my head on his shoulder and enjoying the sea breeze. our drinks hardly touched, the silence between us was comforting, not an awkward moment. i'm enjoying his company and the beautiful night.

he lit the candles on the small chocolate cake. i closed my eyes, made a wish and blew the candles. he took out a small blue box tied with a white ribbon. yummy. did i see a tiffany & co. box? yes, i did. not saying anything, he opened the box and i just can't keep the smile in anymore. gleaming pendeant and necklace. "happy birthday, dear! i love you." and i just can't stop blushing. he gave me a peck on the forehead. i'm over the moon."

what a dreamer!!

now, heading back to earth.


probably the gurlfren will be back from dubai, in time for my b'day. partying is in the agenda.

or...

having dinner with someone, not really dear to me but i will appreciate his company, though.



but surely and definitely, i want a H U G E teddy for my birthday. not a winnie the pooh, please. i've got that already.

still contemplating to take leave or not. hope gurlfren will get back to me soon.
i miss ya, babe! don't forget to get my present from dubai, ok?

jokers.

at times i get so confuse. who is for real and who is not. you guys call me dear, sayang, darling and whatever else. i never take them seriously cause i know damn too well you aren't. you are just a bunch of farked up jokers playing around with me. stop giving me those shit that you like me, love me. you guys are all talk only, no action. full of crap. none of those guys i ever date are sincere. i don't wish to mention name. you know yourself better.

you want a kiss, sure i'll give. you want a feel-good anecdote, sure thing i'll give it. you play around with my feelings, i'll surely do the same to you. at one moment you say don't take you seriously and another moment you tell me you're sincere to know me better. joking, right?

farked up jokers!!

myself.

was reading a colum in cleo, it kinda of hit a raw nerve. its a write-up i can relate closely. the colum is about "date yourself for a while". the reason i can relate to what the writer said is beacuse it's the post-breakup kinda of guide. i'm just gonna quote some stuff she wrote.

for 4 years life was evolved around him. then, i didn't have to share my space with anyone. it was awkward at first, being alone.

"then something else struck me. so much of life outside work was filled with things i didn't really enjoy doing. surely, that needed to change - but how? i'd been busy pleasing everyone else, i wasn't really sure what made me happy."
it occured to me, how i have always keep myself busy with work even after working hours. and i totally don't enjoy filling my time with work and more work. what really make me happy? i'm unable to answer.

"...getting to know yourself is a constant work in progress."

"it takes time to discover who you are, what you are, what you're going to be and what you want. and to say 'i don't know' is a perfectly fine answer." -phew!

"... we don't actually stop to go over what's happen and make plans for the future. if you're always on the go, you don't have time to think. dating yourself is a fantastic opportunity to do just that."
in fact, before reading this colum, i have thought of what had happened and made plans for the future.

"coming out of a long-term relationship or a string of relationships, it's almos certain you'll be asking yourself a few questions namely: why was i in this relationship? why didn't i realise that was going on? why didn't he want to be with me? cooke (an author of girl stuff) believes that in order to learn, we need to see this as an opportunity, rather than a knock to the self-esteem"
i asked those question after the break-up but like they say, truth hurts. after knowing the truth, my self-esteem did not it rock bottom, luckily.

"... it really is almost impossible to get to know yourself when you're in one. " "... because we change our personality to fit our partner's."
very very true. i lost myself, not knowing who i was.

"the problem with going from singledom to coupledom is that we often drop the things we love - freinds, hobbies, workouts - to fit with the new schedule."
"before long it's become a habit. you can actually start to forget the things you used to love doing because you've substituted them with new coupley things. it's a recipe for disaster when you break up and look around to see that your support network has all but fizzled away."
i'm pretty lucky to have mummy for support and girlfren though she runs me down most times. and i won't forget, thanks!

"... we want strong communication, emotional intelligence and a few laughs. we want someone who can support us in our busy, thriving lives."
definitely some of the important qualities in a guy i'm looking for. someone who can accept that we can't always meet, someone who understands my busy schedule and can accept that i'm obsses with my career.

to end of the colum she wrote "a real relationship, whether it's with a friend or a lover, is about finding someone who brings out the best in you, enjoys the best in you and loves you for the things that you love."

glad.

work. work. work. date. date. date. tired. tired. tired.

work and date equals to tiredness. i'm shagged. hectic schedule up ahead. got the parents-teacher meeting in 2 weeks, to prepare. portfolios almost done. lessons almost finishing and filings to be done. with all the work i have, i still have time for dates though. hehe! well, i need a break too.

this saturday, got a date but with my aunt. i'm going to register for my course, certificate in preschool teaching (cpt). finally! i've postpone the idea for too long. it is all going to be sponsored by my aunt. am i not glad? absolutely.

my dates for last weekend was great. superb. hehe! "accompanied" one fishing and the other, we went to the arcade, movies and dinner.

i guess, for another 2 weeks i will be date-less. hmm...