lost.

at first, it was him who left. now, my dearest girlfriend left for dubai. my pair of wings are gone. two of the closest people i have, left. when he left, i still have my girlfriend for comfort and support. now, i need to learn to be dependent on myself. *sob sob* no more shopping and make up guru. well, i need to adjust to situations i guess. but, where do i find a girlfriend for lame jokes or late night dirty little secrets talk? *sob sob*

well, dearest girlfriend, i wish you all the best in your career. this is something you've been wanting to do. i'll miss you, babe.

sick.

14.02.08, valentine's day. where was i? home after work. hugging my bolster while people out there were hugging their love ones. thought this year was going to be different as farid does not celebrate valentine's day. but no dates for me this year. it did not matter actually cause had some plans with girlfren on friday. planned to bake brownies and watch dvds but, was down with horrible stomach flu. wasted half a day leave sitting at home puking and shitting. felt very horrible.

saturday, friends of girlfren organise a farewell party for her at st james. dressed up and went partying. the party was fun except for the part that the stomach was still aching.

sunday, stay at home and do lesson planning. duh!

overall, i have a great weekend.

reunion.

the bottom line
a reunion with an ex forces you to ask questions about how much you've changed.
in detail
a surprise reunion between you and long lost ex will test your flexibility and force you to ask serious questions about how much you have really changed. the answers won't come easily, but if you have time to sit down for a conversation with this person, you can gain a lot of clarity on a lot of issues you thought were long gone -- or at least long-ago dealt with. but don't feel like you owe this person a formal reunion. if you feel like avoiding them altogether, you should.

explaination please. is it talking about farid? or someone else? when is it going to happen? is this for real? just after yesterday's post, my horoscope says this. er... believe or not to? i did not believe my horoscope the last time (refer to horror-scope post) but it happened. how? who? where? why? what? wtf.

fun.

long weekend. had lots of fun! surely i'll get monday blues. at the same time, i miss my children. babies, i really miss you. i'm going to hug you so hard and give you the wettest kiss. crazy. hehe! well, my holiday did not went on as planned.

on 07.02.2008, my family, cuzzins and aunts went to the zoo, as planned. luckily we get to see ah meng for the last time. had loads of fun. really enjoyed myself. at the same time, i also had fun male-watching. hehe!

on 08.02.2008, accompanied my girlfren to her cuzzin's engagement party. very simple day.

on 09.02.2008, suppose to go for mac ritchie treetop walk but am having fun in timbaktu instead. heh! too early to wake up on a saturday. at night, went to chomp's place for a sleepover. did manicure and pedicure. talking about our x-boyfriends. i realised that i'm still not able to figure farid out. the word "break-up" was such a taboo but in the end we still breakup. digress. i dreamt of a guy named faisal, last night. it felt too real. but i know that it will never happen in reality. he came to give me a surprise but backfired cause i wasn't at home. like how you disappoint me, the same way, i disappoint you. but, that was all in my dreams.

today, i reached home around 12pm. stayed home all day to do lesson planning and preparation. a typical sunday for me.

i don't want to countdown to the day that chomp is going to dubai. we had too much fun. i'm going to be bored and lame when she is away. better get a boyfriend after she fly off. he is going to be a rebound for chomp's departure. any takers?

anyways, enjoy your week! hopefully you don't get the monday blues!

hurt.

was sipping my iced latte at mc cafe, when my mind started to wonder off by itself. the person you love will always disappoint you. i strongly believe. at first, my parents' marriage came to thought. they were married for more than a decade, an affair spoilt it all. i've lived with him for less than a decade. the only image i have of him are those that my mum have been telling me and i've lived by it. i don't know who the real person he is.

then, the image of farid came to mind. this is the part i hate most. out of the blue, his sweet promises and memories came rushing back. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it. i tried so hard to hold back the tears but i can't help it. when i came back to reality, i hate myself. i hate myself for thinking of you. i am so over you, i can say confidently. but why, the devil in my head have to think of you. it is so unfair. it's been almost 6 months since you left me. maybe, the month of february brings a whole lot of memory especially on the 26th. it could be our 5th anniversary. i'm really hurting inside. now, i know how you felt when you said you were hurting inside everytime we had an argument. i do miss him at times.

foolish.

at first i told him i wasn't free. but there was a change of plan so i msged him saying i was free. again, there isn't any reply from him. well, i guess you're busy. annoys me that this isn't the first time and i still haven't give up. he might just be a phase. just like the others. i hate the thought of it. someone ever told me, when a mistake is done the first time, it is ignorance. twice, might be because you forget. but thrice, it is plain stupidity. i guess i'm plain foolish cause it takes the fourth time for me to learn my mistake. or it isn't a mistake? pursue or not to?

maybe, it is time to stop. sorry, dear. you're no different from the other guys i date. i don't know why i was so smitten by you.

am spending my weekends with my aunts and mummy. with them i can gossip about the guys i date. at least, they don't judge me. guess, i'll talk about him this round of gossip session. haha!

yipee! it is the long weekend. i'm packed for the whole week, spending time with my aunts (again), mummy, brother and cousins. 1st day of CNY, to the zoo. 2nd day, cousin yan's b'day. saturday, to mac ritchie reservoir for the treetop walk. sunday, stay home for lesson planning. hehe!

enjoy the holidays! wishing you and family a happy new year! may the new year bring you wealth and health! gong xi fa cai!

again.

well, as expected. there isn't any news from him. i was contemplating if i should msg him. eventually, i did. but got no answer. how foolish of me to allow myself to indulge in his flirtatious game. tsk tsk tsk. maybe i should move on. well, the next time he ask me out, i'm going to reject you. not my fault, dear. you disappoint me 3 times already. why am i always falling for the wrong type of guy? falling for playboys, casanova and jerks. nice guys are better for friends. then again, becoming a lesbian is not a bad idea afterall, right? ok, i'm not in a right state of mind. sigh! knock some sense into me please.

anyways, enjoy your weekends!