mentally and emotionally drained out. exhausted. tired. i need a break from life itself. for just one day, my mind do not do any thinking and my brain goes dead. just for one day.
i'm mentally and emotionally exhausted because of fear. fear that the ghost from my past will pay me a visit when i decide to settle down, one day. there are a lot of 'what if' question running thru my mind. last night, i had a nightmare. in this nightmare, all the guys i dated, came to pay me a visit, one by one. i had a hard time explaining to my partner. is this something i should just brush away or take it as a warning? i guess, i need to cut down on the dates.
at one point of time i feel that i am an independent person with no need to depend on guys, emotionally. sometimes i feel lovelorn. i yearn to love and be loved. but, i am not falling in love with anyone. seems like i am refusing any entry to my small heart. this guy will have to work hard to get to my locked up heart.
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