horror-scope.

my horoscope for today.
"your focus should be on fun today -- having it, creating it, and commemorating it. celebrations can happen for any reason at any time, and you are in just the type of mood that will enable you to prove that very point! make a party happen wherever you go, and do not take anything too seriously. bad news has taken a vacation from your life, and you deserve it. amusing people are eager to share their amusing stories, so be encouraging and help other people ride the fun wave you're on."

what i like is that, bad news has taken a vacation from my life, and i deserve it. hopefully it is a long vacation it is taking.

but my lovescope doesn't sound good.
"you have assigned the star role to someone in your life. in reality though, this person is merely part of the chorus. as long as you continue to focus on him, you're missing out on perfectly solid possibilities. reassess your piorities."
doesn't it mean i shud forget about him and focus on someone else? but i like him. hmm. dilemma. the strange thing is, each time after i blog about him, he will msg on the same day or next. i don't wish to pursue him. i shudn't be chasing but chased after. haha! illusion.

anyways, have a great week ahead!

missed.

few months back i told you that i'll be missing you but now, i am sure that i don't and won't be missing you. got over you, i can say confidently. however, revenge is still the sweetest. but then again, negative stuff will just corrode me. let karma get back to you for me. they say that if you lose somebody, it mean someone better will come, one day. but what about the other party who left? will he get the worse partner ever? hmm.

moonlight.

the moon is so bright tonight. my mind started to wonder. "digging my feet into the sand, resting my head on his shoulder and enjoying the night breeze, under the beautiful moon and bright stars." what a nice dream i've got. who is that guy anyway? haha! the forever dreamy me. snapping out of dreams and back to earth. whatever it is, the night is so beautiful. lucky thing i'm single. or the boyfriend can puke out entertaining my stupid romantic fantasy. haha! maybe i can let my mind wonder again when i go for my weekday getaway to Bintan! yes, you read it right, a weekday trip! what an ass, taking leave on a weekday just for a break. haha!

anyways, have a great weekday! looking forward to the CNY holidays!

sunday.

no date for 2 weeks, nice. see, i'm cutting down on dating. so, don't say that i'm actively dating.
spend the sunday at home with my family, not literally. finally, had omellet for brunch courtesy of mummy. super heavy, burp! then, i transform myself into the desprate housewife. house cleaning and cooking. what happen to mummy? she prefer me cooking the soup to her own cooking. tsk tsk tsk. funny thing was i did not feel tired. i went on to do my lesson plan and finished off before midnight though i "multi-task" to check e-mails and online shopping. yipee! doing all this while everyone was taking their afternoon nap. pretty "relaxed" for a weekend.

next weekend will be full of shopping trip or partying! payday, baby!

disappointed.

"i got my sights set on you and i'm ready to aim
i have a heart that will never be tamed
i knew you were something special
when you spoke my name
now i can't wait to see you again"

it is already 9pm and i've stopped waiting for your call. well, i guess what my horoscope said is true, "flirtation that won't be seen through". i am disappointed. i was really looking forward to meet up with him. but, it was plain flirtation on his part and foolish me took it seriously. well, a lesson learnt. never take a guy's word seriously. tell me that you miss me, you would like to hold me in your arms, you would like to kiss me under the moonlight and stars, you would rather be with me and no one else and all those mushy words are just full of bullshit.

hopefully, my sunday will be better.

letting go.

got this off a friend's freindster profile. beautiful words.

sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find theperson we love we fail to recognize & appreciate the people who love us.we miss out on so many beautiful things & simply because we allow ourselves to been slaved by our own selfish concerns. go for the man of deeds & not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.

the best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being.

to let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, & anger that keep in your heart.

do not let the bitterness rare away your strength & weaken your faith & never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it.you may found peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. but be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. we can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace & happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

there comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice & beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. this feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives & eventually consumes our thoughts & actions. the sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. we start our desperate attempt to get noticed & be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded & we end up being sorry for ourselves. you don't have to forget someone you love.

what you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself.
believe me; you would be better off giving that dedication & love to someone more deserving. don't let your heart run your life, be sensible & let your mind speak for itself. listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. if you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love.

cry, if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt & the bitterness that the past has left with you. let go of yesterday & love will find its way back to you & when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay & last a lifetime.

sigh! i am still learning...

life is beautiful

upset.

was reading my horoscope yesterday. it said something about flirtation that won't be seen through. after my previous blog, he messaged me on msn that same night. i was happy not like jumping for joy, though. he asked me out this weekend. i am looking forward to going out with him. but, somehow my gut feelings is telling me that it won't happen like what my horoscope predicted. tsk tsk tsk. i shouldn't believe such things. now, am feeling upset.

well, i shall wait for him to call or message. agonising wait.

anyhows, have a great weekend!

frustrations.

it is a sunday and i am at home. i've broken the routine of late nights on saturdays. yesterday, i spent my day with mummy and aunt. strangely, no one asked me out at night. on saturdays that i'm working, i will surely be out till sunday morning. so, i was at home since last night. today, was suppose to have breakfast with my family. but then, brader haven't been home since friday and mummy went to J.B, leaving me home alone. i'm not really bored but at the same time i'm wishing hard someone will ask me out for movies or dinner tonight. need a break after doing the lesson plans.

digressing. i have to vent out some frustrations. guys, just because you think i'm hotstuff, beautiful, pretty which i don't think i am suitable of such noun, that doesn't mean i am suppose to be attach. why can't i be single, anyways? so, i've come up with an answer for such question. i'm a lesbian. i go for pussy. if you have some extra meat sticking out down there then you are rejected. frustrating.

digressing again. actually, i kinda of like this guy. he pulled my heartstrings when he address me by my name when he spoke to his brother although that was the first time we met. unlike some jerk who wanted to introduce me to his friend but unfortunately he can't remember my name. wtf. but, i think it is a one way street. we aren't in constant contact so there is no way i can know. i can't possibly ask him point blank. i guess, i'll just wait first and take action later. hopefully, i'll hear from him soon.

now, i stuck at home and doing the lesson plans. waiting for dunkin' donuts and a date. haha!

have a great weekday ahead!

myself.

stumbled upon a website for personality test. the results, i can say that it is true. here is something about lil' mizadventure.

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

happy.

finally, the day i've been waiting for. today, i receive my confirmation letter and a pay raise. there was this feeling of satisfaction. it was beyond description how i felt after i receive the letter and now. it was total satisfaction. i got a headstart on my career. i'll be furthering my studies in march or april.

i feel like mocking and laughing at him in his face. heard from a reliable source that he is the worse fitness instructor in fitness first and also failed his fitness test. arrogance is unhealthy. reminded you too many times. i'll always remember the reason we broke off. being patient with you just doesn't pay. i should have left you when you were a low-life gangster. this 'no action and talk only' person is getting somewhere. but he who talks big just cause he know a bigshot in the fitness industry is going through his lowest point of life. too bad karma visited you too early. i'll also remember that i won't always be on top.

exhausted.

mentally and emotionally drained out. exhausted. tired. i need a break from life itself. for just one day, my mind do not do any thinking and my brain goes dead. just for one day.

i'm mentally and emotionally exhausted because of fear. fear that the ghost from my past will pay me a visit when i decide to settle down, one day. there are a lot of 'what if' question running thru my mind. last night, i had a nightmare. in this nightmare, all the guys i dated, came to pay me a visit, one by one. i had a hard time explaining to my partner. is this something i should just brush away or take it as a warning? i guess, i need to cut down on the dates.

at one point of time i feel that i am an independent person with no need to depend on guys, emotionally. sometimes i feel lovelorn. i yearn to love and be loved. but, i am not falling in love with anyone. seems like i am refusing any entry to my small heart. this guy will have to work hard to get to my locked up heart.

recap.

what are some of the good and bad things that happen in 2007?
i got a headstart to my career and still going on pretty well. that is the major thing to happen. i've almost reach my ambition. i'm doing good though. from just an assistant teacher to a teacher, felt like a promotion. now, i'm taking a class of nursery 1 and playgroup. i'm ditching the benchmark that i set against farid. he is not in my league anymore. just cause i screwed up my life, i am not up to par with him. arrogance will bring his downfall one day. am not praying for that to happen but people learn from the hard knocks of life, going through the experience will make or break us. i'm digressing.

i'm still thinking if the break-up is a good or bad thing to happen. the picture is still too vague for me to see. he moved on very fast. but me, i still tend to look back and find my mistake. but i still do not know where i went wrong. maybe because i wasn't financially stable, i really don't know. after the break-up, i was actively dating. strongly encouraged by a friend and mother. i see guys in a different light. i meet some good guys and some jerks. although i've been going out, dating, i'm totally not into a serious relationship. andi, an ex-boyfriend sent me a sms "never take someone for granted. hold the person you love close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones." it was pretty sarcastic considering i've turned him down many times.
ditch 2007. and welcome 2008. though it is the new year, memories of last year are still fresh.

and i've got no new year resolution as i don't keep them.