alone.

its a monday. most people were having monday blues but me, i was taking it easy. woke up very early and send the uniform back. then, i head to changi village. bought myself breakfast and went to the beach. enjoyed the morning sun, sea breeze and sound of the waves. all by myself. for once, i love what i was doing. i needed the time alone. i should have done this a long time ago but work and career had been getting in my way.

there's more to life than work.

take a break and enjoy the people around you before they vanish one by one and leave you all alone.

though i like being alone, i realised when i have a boyfriend, i want his attention. i like him to pamper me. maybe because i'm mummy's girl and am very pampered. i admit. is it a weakness? am i being too demanding?

i'm a self-declared emotionally high maintenance girl. love me or buzz off!

ditch.

have i finally found him? no, he finally found me. he reached his destination after a long time. dear God, he is not a godsend kind of guy. but i surely am thankful that he manage to soften the hard-hearted me. he is definitely not on impulse decision. i followed my heart and i'm sure that he is the one for me, on top of all the other guys.

ditch the past and shall enjoy my present with him.

dear, i love you!

rollercoaster.

you just had to put me through another rollercoaster ride. why don't you push me off the tallest building and bid me goodbye? what wrong have i done to you that you had to be so cruel to me? i had always been there when you needed me. except today. for a reason, you are getting engage this weekend. just today, i did not oblige you made me feel guilty. hopelessly guilty. we should have had a clean break from the start. but having to go through the emotional detachment was unbearable for me. we agreed on the solution we came up. i did not regret. now, you had to give me shit when i did not oblige. what's wrong with you?

declarations.

they declared their feelings for me. i'm thankful. but, it leaves me confuse. i said i'm not ready for a relationship. in fact, i'm waiting for someone. i don't know what he thinks of me. he can just make me smile. everytime i see him online, i get an anxiety attack. exaggrating. i don't wish to come across as pushy or too obvious.

i'm lost.

opportunity.

sad. i'll be leaving my children. i really can't bear to do so but opportunity knocks only once. the new place pay better and i will be taking a class of my own with an assistant. with His blessings, i'm doing pretty well in my career. thank God. i pray hard that this job is one i can stay for long.

i'll be starting my course in aug. sacrifice all the holiday plans i had. someone told me, do my best and do it for myself. he don't care how successful i am. all he wants is satisfacation down-south. i'm no more doing it to prove anyone, i'm doing it for myself, my own future. the benchmark i set against him shall be banished.

wish me all the best!